Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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