Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
