You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will pee on everything he values.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
