girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
