some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
