FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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