So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
