This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
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This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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