Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Randomize
