who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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