Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
