found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
