Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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