Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
