My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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