I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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