Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
