Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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