May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
