Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
