My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
