She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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