i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
