My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
