but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
