I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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