listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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