Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
