Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize