Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Randomize
