Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
