college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
