Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
