I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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