I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
