my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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