I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
