seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
