So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
