If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
