Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
