How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
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He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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