So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
