but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
