There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
