We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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