This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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