I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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