I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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