That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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