No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i dont even know how to be here
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
