just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
