why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
