Your face is a jimmy john
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Randomize
