I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
