Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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