I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
40s are totally the cure
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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