i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
