walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
