So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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