ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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