Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
