naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
