you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
