in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
