your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
