peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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