i can't believe i had my finger in that
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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