im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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