I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
