you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
