Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize