her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
