I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
