I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
